writing
original work by mikah kota carpio urgiles.
based on a true story. unless it’s fiction. in which it isn’t.
missouri
bottle of pills
unfinished
bottle of pills
swallowed whole
no water
stones overturned
overcast sky
earth swallows whole
i can’t forget
and i can’t remember
leave me alone
but never go
carry the weight
of our escape
hidden alone
somewhere cold
open air
sitting here
stay
right
there
larks sing
where you
touch me
island, island
coming, going
mother of pearl
stupid girl
reaching, reaching
no one’s coming
leave me alone but
never go
carry the weight
of your escape
hidden, alone,
open air
stay
right there
kryptonian strength
carries the weight
stomachs, stomachs,
aching, screaming
get my
story straight
inside
a shoebox
there’s an ocean
all for you, all for you
quicksand, avalanche
gallons of salt
wash it all away
picture frame
empty vase
razor blade
eighty days
you sent
for me
jewelry case
empty gaze
limestone mouths
across the way
there’s an inch of haze
cherry pits
asbestos skies
greedy man
quicksand lies
whistling breeze
endless storm
icy grip
paper moon
moscato wine
gone by noon
think i’ve
said
too
much
mundanity
mundanity melts in my chest
like a tequila shot
effervescent
deafening smells
rotten teeth, wilting body
black rose petals adorn your
opaque skeleton
how bad
it is impossible to hold you at arm’s length
holding my breath
underwater
swallowing broken glass
the room fills with smoke
all alone
i want to know what you sound like
at 3 in the morning
you will never love me
and maybe
neither will i
basil leaves
your eyes are gray
not brown
gray
why do you show me all your fascinations
if you don’t want me
to love you
you look like
the rest of my life
but you don’t
see me that way
so i will carry
the weight of you
in the bottom of my spine
every miserable
time
you stare
at me
like you’re
still making up your mind
wasteland / wasteland / wasteland
i’ve never liked
someone
so much
the feeling alone
forced me
to confess
on paper
but i think
there’s a world—
and it might be this one—
that
you
actually
want me
too
you occupy
my mind
even when
i’m falling asleep
half-awake
counting sheep
a tooth decay
kind of
torture
cardiovascular
biopsy
holding
my marble
heart
in
your
tempered
hands
you breathed
life
into this
wasteland
of mine
i can almost pretend
we’re lovers
in this lifetime
if not
the next
a beautiful lie helps me
sleep at night
sex
i think
about you
every day
even when
i don’t want to
even when
i’m supposed to be
doing other things
like
driving down
interstate nine
and before i even realize it
my body
is a letter
returned to
sender
the second
my mind
drifts
elsewhere
it always
leads
back
to you
like
the mouth
of a river
meeting
endless
ocean